Camp has begun!

Today is the first day of CampNaNoWriMo. And I came prepared! Okay, so I did not plot beyond a vague idea of where I was going; I did not plan characters beyond a general idea of a main character and a few others. After facing resistance and a lack of inspiration, the day before camp begun, ideas started to flow. My muse gave me enough to get started, but not enough to make me bored.

Yes, I am a 'pantser'. I am winging it. Detailed outlines, character sheets, and research would only bore me. To me, the excitement comes in the exploration, in figuring things out as I go. I have an idea of an ending in mind, but I'm perfectly okay if it ends differently.

Today, as I began writing, without any clear idea of what I was doing, ideas came to me. The story began unfolding itself before my eyes. Plot points clarified themselves. The setting came into focus. Scenes ended naturally and led to new ones. All I had to do was to keep writing. So that's what I'll continue to do this month. Show up, listen hard, write, and see where it takes me. I am so excited after today. I got to 2,320 words effortlessly, a respectable enough word count, and am choosing to stop based on sheer exhaustion. Maybe not every writing day will go this smoothly, but I have to trust that it will work out.

One trick to surviving this month is to embrace terrible writing. I am serious. My sentences are clunky and my paragraphs don't flow. That is for fixing later. My energies are best spent getting the story on paper.

(source)

Another trick that I am using this month is handwriting it. I did NaNoWriMo in November on my laptop, but to be honest, my laptop is too distracting to me. Even if I close out other programs, disable wireless, and have my writing program in full screen mode, I still get antsy and disinterested. I think I am programmed to use my laptop for short bursts of concentration - reading a blog post, checking a website, writing an email - and then switching to something else. Perhaps the internet is too tempting for me so close by. Whatever the reason, the writing doesn't seem to flow.

Whereas, writing in a notebook is something that I have done since I first learned to write. It's how I attempted my first novels at 13 and 14, it is how I have kept my journals to this day. And I find that I can focus much better with just a notebook, for all I can do is write (and doodle occasionally in the margins). It means that my wordcount is always just estimated; however that seems to be the only drawback right now.

I think the important thing is knowing what works for you. So many people write differently. For many people, outlining is a way of life, and handwriting a whole novel is inconceivable. That's okay.

There is a great topic in the NaNo forums titled "Your NaNo Rules". I have found it to be a great discussion. So many people have good ideas about how to write, reward themselves, make sure they stay on track, etc. But these rules stood out the most to me:

Rule #1: Write. Or else.
Rule #2: Rule #1.

When it comes down to it, those are the only rules you need.

So here's to a great June for all writers out there. Hope the writing goes well and you have loads of fun. 

Not quite a supernova

(source)

I've been feeling bad lately. I feel as though I haven't been progressing as much as I said I would when I started this blog. When I started this, I was so full of optimism I chose the name 'supernova' because I pictured an explosion of growth and creativity. Supernovas can explode at a rate almost 10% of the speed of light, so I thought I would transform into this super productive, creative, perfect person...I thought that I could change so quickly, get so many things done, all while remaining well-rested and well adjusted.

I have been feeling more like a snail than a supernova. So find me at my new blog: september snail.

Just kidding.

 The truth is that I am still working on things that I have already posted about. Like being vulnerable, fighting against resistance, and having good time management. Some days I fail at some or all of these. I have been dwelling on these negatives and feeling bad. However, I am going to work on remembering that I am still a worthwhile and deserving person whether I get everything done or not. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and don't need to compare my progress to someone else's. I am whole and perfect already, I just need to accept and love myself even when I don't meet my own expectations. I will work on being kinder to myself.

So, to make myself feel better, it's time to remember all of the progress I have made since the beginning of the year. So here are some accomplishments:

• For four months I was a nanny to a sweet 1-year-old some mornings while keeping my afternoon job - and both the baby and mother loved me!
• I am currently taking two art classes, one on drawing, the other painting. They are making me more confident in my art skills, plus I'm having fun. I've discovered how much I love painting. I've bought myself some paint and paint sometimes at home. 
• I have read 21 books this year and am in the middle of a few others.
• I have made progress in taking my next step, teaching ESL in a foreign country. 
• I have taken excellent care of myself food-wise, eating mostly home cooked meals I've made myself...fresh fruits and vegetables, beans, grains, cheese. I am very conscientious about getting my vitamins and protein. A few years ago, I had no clue how to cook, and didn't care less about nutrition. 
• I also am pretty active! I live in a city and have a job that requires me to be active. I walk several miles a day without trying. I do yoga sometimes as well.
• I've started learning about photography.
• I have been good about cleaning my room once a week (I have a history of being a slob so this is considerable progress).
• I've been smart about my money, saving when I can and not buying things I don't need. 

When I reframe it that way, I've actually done pretty well these last few months. So, while things aren't perfect right now, I'll close my eyes, take several deep breaths, and tell myself: I forgive myself. I deeply love and accept myself. 

Then, I'll get some sleep.

Beginning a New Hobby: Photography

I just got myself a new digital camera! And I am so excited. When it came in the mail I felt like a four-year-old on Christmas.

My new camera (taken with my phone, ha)

After researching cameras, I got an Olympus PEN E-PL1. I wanted a camera that wasn't too pricey, something lightweight and small for everyday use, but more than a point-and-shoot...something that can grow with me as I learn more about photography. There is a new, hybrid type of camera that fits the bill perfectly: Micro Four Thirds. These are smaller than D-SLRs but have manual capabilities and deliver quality pictures that can compete with the larger cameras. I am not going to get very technical because I am still learning what of all these terms mean. However, I picked this Olympus PEN because it seems to be the best bang-for-your-buck you can find. I love how retro it looks and how it feels in my hand. I haven't tried it out yet as I'm waiting on the SD card, but I cannot wait to start snapping pictures!

I am usually a slow decision maker, but I had such a strong compulsion to get a decent camera that I just had to follow it. I felt some resistance, of course: "There are so many amazing photographers out there! You'll never be good enough!" and the like. It's true that photography is a particularly 'in' hobby right now, thanks to sites like Instagram and Tumblr.

But why let that stop me? I figure that it will be fun, and no time will be wasted in developing a new skill set. Increasingly, it is not one particular talent but a blend of skills that help you rise from the crowd. If anything, now I can take my own pictures for my blog.

Plus, it is so much fun to learn something new! I have been absorbing all I can about photography and am showing no signs of slowing down.

What has excited you lately?

Committing

To Anyone Out There Reading This:

You may have noticed my posts have been few and far between. While I could offer up a myriad of excuses, the truth is that I have not fully committed to this blog, choosing to spend my time elsewhere. I have been dreaming of a fancy blog on wordpress, a catchy domain name, professional layout, and all the works.

However, the truth is that I am just beginning and just starting to find my own voice, and even narrow down my subject matter, and this simple blog is perfect for that. So I will fully commit to writing in this blog consistently. Expect at least one new post a week. I don't dare promise more right now, but hopefully there will be more.

And there's something else I also want to do now. Last November I won NaNoWriMo for the first time. The built-in combination of competition, write-ins, general silliness, guilt trips, and thousands of writers committing to the same thing (and many kicking my ass), was incredibly motivating to me. Lagging near the end, I finally kicked into gear and cranked out the rest, completing the 50,000 words (and conveniently the story as well).

Well: now I am signed up for June Camp NaNoWriMo, which means another 50,000 word novel draft completed during June. My username there is sprites. I will update more on this subject but I just wanted to commit to that in writing now.

There. Two commitments. Now I must follow through. Watch this space.

Now, as it's Mother's Day, I'm off to call my mom.

Signed,

Kathleen

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

I read this book front to back in one sitting. It is a quick, powerful read. A week later, just to make sure I had the message down, I read it again.

Pressfield's The War of Art has the potential to be life-changing. It is the talk about art and creativity that you've been waiting to hear without realizing it. It is a kick to get going. It is a call to arms...if you're willing.

In The War of Art, Pressfield discusses a powerful repelling force called Resistance. Pressfield calls it out, exposes its many forms, so that now it can be recognized. And once you know what you are dealing with, you can fight it. The second part of the book tells you how, and the last part gets into artistic inspiration.

You may have noticed my updates have been few and far between. I have also not gotten much writing done.

Well, as the excuse is, life happened. (It's true. I picked up a second part time job that left me very little time to do anything. )

However, the real truth is that I fell victim to Resistance.

Resistance is caused by fear, mostly. But it is tricky and had disguised itself. "No one is reading this blog anyway," Resistance said. "You don't know what you are doing," and, "Suppose people DID read it, and didn't like it?" On and on it went.

It also manifested in tv show marathons and compulsive internet usage. I can easily lose hours and hours of time on the internet. I just keep clicking. Ironically, one activity that I do out of resistance is read self-help blogs. Instead of creating or writing every day, I read blog posts on the subject. If I want to win against Resistance, I can indulge in some blog reading, but spend more time actually getting words on the page.

I have been facing Resistance in another area of my life as well. I aim to find work abroad, a goal which terrifies me as much as it excites me. It is time to move on, yet I have found myself paralyzed, unable to make any progress towards my goal.

But that all is about to change, for now I recognize Resistance, and I realize it's not just something I have especially because I'm lazy. It's something that everyone deals with. And it can be defeated a day at a time.

Slowly, I can start living the life I've dreamed of.

(This goes without saying, but the book is strongly recommended.)