Not quite a supernova

(source)

I've been feeling bad lately. I feel as though I haven't been progressing as much as I said I would when I started this blog. When I started this, I was so full of optimism I chose the name 'supernova' because I pictured an explosion of growth and creativity. Supernovas can explode at a rate almost 10% of the speed of light, so I thought I would transform into this super productive, creative, perfect person...I thought that I could change so quickly, get so many things done, all while remaining well-rested and well adjusted.

I have been feeling more like a snail than a supernova. So find me at my new blog: september snail.

Just kidding.

 The truth is that I am still working on things that I have already posted about. Like being vulnerable, fighting against resistance, and having good time management. Some days I fail at some or all of these. I have been dwelling on these negatives and feeling bad. However, I am going to work on remembering that I am still a worthwhile and deserving person whether I get everything done or not. I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now, and don't need to compare my progress to someone else's. I am whole and perfect already, I just need to accept and love myself even when I don't meet my own expectations. I will work on being kinder to myself.

So, to make myself feel better, it's time to remember all of the progress I have made since the beginning of the year. So here are some accomplishments:

• For four months I was a nanny to a sweet 1-year-old some mornings while keeping my afternoon job - and both the baby and mother loved me!
• I am currently taking two art classes, one on drawing, the other painting. They are making me more confident in my art skills, plus I'm having fun. I've discovered how much I love painting. I've bought myself some paint and paint sometimes at home. 
• I have read 21 books this year and am in the middle of a few others.
• I have made progress in taking my next step, teaching ESL in a foreign country. 
• I have taken excellent care of myself food-wise, eating mostly home cooked meals I've made myself...fresh fruits and vegetables, beans, grains, cheese. I am very conscientious about getting my vitamins and protein. A few years ago, I had no clue how to cook, and didn't care less about nutrition. 
• I also am pretty active! I live in a city and have a job that requires me to be active. I walk several miles a day without trying. I do yoga sometimes as well.
• I've started learning about photography.
• I have been good about cleaning my room once a week (I have a history of being a slob so this is considerable progress).
• I've been smart about my money, saving when I can and not buying things I don't need. 

When I reframe it that way, I've actually done pretty well these last few months. So, while things aren't perfect right now, I'll close my eyes, take several deep breaths, and tell myself: I forgive myself. I deeply love and accept myself. 

Then, I'll get some sleep.